I keep returning here.   me and the pelicans I suppose.   Monterey.
my heart is more glad, seeing them.   based on typical lifespans
many of these will likely be here long after me.   yea, still glad.

just let them have their sardines.   Cannery Row is history now.   well parted company too.   we’ve eaten our good share of fish.   to share is also good.

conversation, Mother with Daughter, as two rocks beside
a cliff, from the film Everything Everywhere All at Once.

M:   I’m sorry about ruining everything –
D:   Shhhh.   You don’t have to worry about that here.
D:   Just be a rock.
M:   I just feel so stupid –
D:   God!   Please.   We’re all stupid!
D:   Small, stupid humans, it’s like our whole deal.

one rock to another, it’s easier being a rock than people.   isn’t it?

some news of progress with approval on a new blood disease medicine.
been waiting quite a while.   but now, am I this measure odd, as life felt all easier before, when less opportunity for survival seemed more eminent.   more to worry about now.   does it really, really I mean, feel more a burden not contemplating the end of me?   yea, how odd is that.   But I understand.

I’ve become accustomed to sleeping as my commonly preferred state of being.   some embarrassed saying that.   tiredness finds me easily.

a haystack of pills to pile onto what I already entertain.   I think to myself,
it better be worth all of this.

so I like the idea of pelicans being here with me, after me.

one weeks more telling will more define what medicine, what a heart procedure, will do for me.   that’s body anyway.   then’s the door that says, yea, this is where spirit resides.   to live without purpose, that means more than a broken heart.   you understand?

when I sleep I loose track of what room I’m in.   beginning to waken I often think I’m somewhere else.   surprise.   dreams feel more present tense.

this is one I’d really rather leave unpublished.   but transparency, even when lame, is probably right.   just being stupid.   probably.

and why tell you?   no good reason.   sorry.
 
 
one black cat, one brown rabbit, a single white butterfly, once late at night, a coyote across the street, one quick glance.   these moments I appreciate.
 
 

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MBA webcam views of Monterey Bay used with permission.
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