gratitude journals

not a writing meditation.   an exercise to awaken death.
death does not mean you suddenly become nothing.
        I was there and life looked like this.

a crow sat on the fence and sang to me.   twelve different memories
of music came playing themselves inside my thought.   a few of them
stayed and sang all night.   a woman, she brought us red and ripe
tomatoes from her farm.   those lasted for days on our counter-top.
I listened to music, maybe an hour.   then you turned the TV on.
I went to the other room.   my ear went to the open window.

through the window it sounded like this.   wind pushing or being pushed.
wind always is.   moving.   if you are more still, you can see yourself.
        I was not there but life looked like this.

there were birds.   there were fences.   there were bushes and long streets moving out of sight.   there were clouds or maybe just grey.   there were people moving in rhythm on the streets.   although the only music playing was inside there heads.   could be more detailed, but can’t.
   because I wasn’t there.

I wasn’t there but you told me how it was.   your eyes said everything.
and I believe in you.   standing here.   beside me here.   willingness is.
        god creates from imagination.

imagine that everyone held disparaging thoughts about you.
every day and every way, you’d only be met by glaring eyes.
or maybe they’d just look at you, normally.
     cold hearts would be every meal.

can you imagine how that might feel?   somehow I suspect
that won’t be so hard to do.   is that sad?   for a moment at least.

        god creates from imagination.

imagine every person actively wishing you well.   wordlessly.
good fortune, good health, good understanding, good intent,
good words, good kind speech.   kindness is the walls,
     the floor, the ceiling (the earth, the sky),
     music and prayers.   windows.

so does this change the price of milk?   does it directly
heal a broken bone or find a missing child?   not like you
might anticipate.   but imagine, how does that world feel
to you?   right now and right here.   a remedy, without fault.
possibly a hand of peace while you germinate.

harder to imagine.   isn’t it?   do we say, oh no, that can’t be true.
we are the agent, angel or lost child.   practice choice.
     choose well.

death means that you accept life.  way down to the bottom of the well.

do you understand?
          every moment with you is Paradise.

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